Wednesday, October 07, 2009

This Gets Old Fast

No news yet. Nothing has really changed except they have lowered his O2 levels to 50%, which is good. But his blood gas still isn't high enough. Maybe they'll try get him off the respirator tomorrow, but they don't know.

people keep asking me if he's going to get better and I just don't know. I don't have any answers and I'm tired of getting asked that question. I understand everyone wants to know, and this is just a normal response, but I just don't have the answers. please don't be offended if you're one of those who asks me, it's just that as a whole, I really hate it. If anyone wants answers, it's me.

He was responsive again, and was able to communicate with me a bit by hand squeezes, blinks and head nods.

I'm tired of this hospital routine and it's only been 4 days, almost 5. It's physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting. I know he wants me and needs me there, but I can only handle a couple visits a day. I usually go in the morning and late at night. It's ok to do this, right? He knows I love him, and I'd do anything...I just need a break from it all.

I'm so testy lately with other people, I can't tolerate idiots so today at the grocery store I saw some woman park her car maybe two feet in the parking spot, and the rest on the "aisle", so I wrote her a note and stuck it on her windshield telling her to learn how to park. I just can't stand stupid people right now, and I'm tired of being asked questions all the time.

Right now I'm just trying to get through the weekend. I will have to deal with a whole new routine on Monday because it's half days all week, and mom won't be here. I have to rely on friends again to help out with childcare. I'm scared I won't be able to find someone to help me with the kids, even though some people said they would. I know I cant go to the hospital from 1PM till the kids are in bed, so I need someone from 9AM till 12/1PM, and then 8/9 PM till 11PM.

I miss my husband so much. I hate seeing him like this. I need him to get better. I just need a hug from him


cynthia said...

We are thinking of you. PLEASE be good to yourself right now! There is no such thing as "must" or "should" in a situation like this; do what keeps you strong.


Anonymous said...

Thinking about you and praying for you, Joanna.

Tammy B (MOPS)

goldeneyez said...

I came across your blog through another one and have been reading of what you and your family are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I don't know what I'd do if I were in the same position. Try and take care of yourself. I know in times like this, our first thought as moms are to everyone else, but you have to realise that without you feeling well, most of the house would fall apart. ;) I am a sahm of 4 as well. Hugs, Stacy