First Day of Almost Normal

I say Almost Normal, because my son isn't going back to school today, just the girls. He hasn't been feeling well, and had a fever yesterday, so today I'll keep him home.

But is this really normal anyway? for us I guess it is. Up at 7, me showered, kids get dressed, off to school and the "baby" and I go out to run errands or do something fun.

So while I guess this really is a normal day, it really isn't either. When my husband was alive, practically every morning, unless he had to sleep or was too busy to call, he would send me a text saying "time to get up baby". This morning when my alarm went off, I grabbed my phone from my bedside expecting to see a text from him. And then I realized it wouldn't be coming. ever again. Talk about a crushing disappointment.

I wish it were a normal day. I wish I got my text or bbm (blackberry message) this morning telling me to get up. That would mean he would be calling me in approximately 20 minutes now.

Instead, today I get to entertain my in laws for one more day. I get to go to the bank and deposit checks that, while I am very very grateful for, were given to me in sympathy of him dying. I also get to call the funeral home and make an appointment for tomorrow so I can order his plaque. Oh, and let's see, I also need to call the life insurance companies again to see if my paperwork has been sent.

So it's not an Almost Normal, or a Normal day; it's a Craptastic, Craptacular, Shitty fucking day.

My aunt was widowed 8 years ago around the same age as me. She was 32 though, instead of 29, and had two young kids at ages 3 and 8, also same as me except for my7-year-old . She told me that one day I will be ok, one day. But it's going to take a long time. I know that, I wish it were easier though.

But one day, in the future, I will be ok. The kids will be ok. And we will be happy again. One day.

Family Does a Body Good

Seriously though, it has been so healing to have the family here this week. Especially yesterday and today. I am really going to miss them all when they leave. Three leave tomorrow to go back to Minnesota, and the last 5 leave early early Tuesday. My mom, sister, and brother leave tomorrow as well. I'm just really going to miss them all.

I've found we've bonded a lot. They've helped me and the kids feel better about things. And it is so incredibly good to laugh, and cry and just be. To talk about our feelings, to have fun together, to be sad together. My brother in law and sister in law took the kids and I to McDonald's for lunch, and then to Toys R Us and bought the kids each a nice toy. That was just awesome of them to do that. Especially when we're all feeling sad, it is nice for the kids to get something to brighten their days. My brother in law also did a bunch of stuff around the house for me that my husband was never able to do, obviously. Only one thing left to do and that is fill in the holes the dog left. I'm thinking I might put my father in law and other brother in law to work doing that this weekend.

Tonight we went out for dinner as a family to my husband's favorite restaurant, a Chinese buffet. Seriously, he LOVED this restaurant. He had actually said he wanted to go there while he was home. So it was nice to take all 16 of us out and eat there in honor of him. I know he wants us to have fun and be happy, and we did that. It's just been a big party it seems.

I seriously love having all my extended family around. I am really really going to miss them when they're gone.

On a different note, we keep seeing orbs in pictures around me. They're all concentrated in front of me. We took a ton of photos today, and we could see them in every picture. And a lot of us have said we can feel his presence in the house. I always wanted to believe before, but I really do now. I want to do a bit of research about it all, because I find it so fascinating. Isn't that strange?

I'm so exhausted right now, still going on little sleep and not eating a ton yet. I have a feeling that the sadness and reality is going to hit me really really soon once everyone leaves on Tuesday. The truck will be gone on Monday night...I'm ready for that. I just need it gone because it makes us too sad to have it here. My husband's friend from work is coming to pick it up Monday night. I'm still feeling peaceful right now, but I do attribute that a lot to having a big family around. Please continue to read my blog though, like I said yesterday, I'm having good days right now. I'm on auto-pilot and doing what I have to do, but it will get worse and I will write some heart wrenching posts. I know people love that kind of thing, so please keep coming. And I'll keep writing.

My heart is broken

My husband passed this morning. I was able to be with him as he passed which gave me a lot of comfort. I was able to say goodbye in private.

Today has just been a whirlwind. i dont know when i will post again. my heart is broken and I need to help my kids.

I think that Rina, over at gottalittlespace.blogspot.com is setting up some sort of donation fund through paypal, so contact her if you feel so obliged.

My husband was a wonderful, caring, loving man. And I will miss him and love him forever.

Good News!!!

Today my husband was released from the ICU/CCU into a regular room. I was able to help him move, which was really nice as I got to say goodbye to all the nurses and the RT's. I plan to send them a thank you note, as they really helped me out this week.

We expect him to be released monday or tuesday morning! Isn't that great news? He's on antibiotics intravenously, but tomorrow they are going to try tablet form. And his O2 levels arent' quite good yet, so that is why he's staying a few more days.

He was very alert this morning and finally recognized me and was able to to hold a conversation. I am thankful for that, because as the morning went by, he got really cranky, rude, belligerent etc etc. It was really really hard for me to be pleasant with him because of his attitude. I think he was still very confused because of all the sedatives he had been on for so long. He even told me he didn't want me to come visit again.

Then I decided it was time for me to leave before I got too frustrated with him, and the situation got worse.

Today there was a thing going on at the kids' school, so I thought I could go to that before going home, but figured I'd just take time to myself. My mom was there with them, so I figured they would be ok without me. I went to McDonald's and had a hamburger and fries and sat and read my book for a while. I then headed across the street to Safeway and did some grocery shopping for the next couple days. It was so refreshing to get some time alone.

I was able to get a hold of him later on after he had eaten and taken a little nap, and he was much more pleasant. I'm going to go visit himfor a while tonight, and then tomorrow morning. Today has been one of the worst days for me, apart from Tuesday, because I was just hoping that he would be nicer. I was sad that he was so irritable. I've spent so much time at the hospital, 8+ hours a day when he was on the respirator, and it was so much easier to deal with him. I could wash him up, rub his feet, talk to him, help the nurses etc etc. Now I feel like I'm not needed anymore and he doesn't want me there.

I'm just happy that we're almost done with this. Hopefully he will get back to his old self really soon because I just don't know how much more of this I can handle.

I also want to say how thankful I am for the outpouring of support I have received. Especially from some of my friends, my meetup group and the kids' school. They have really blessed us and I don't think I could say thank you enough. I have received some gift cards for meals, and I have meals being delivered next week as well. It is such a relief not to have to worry about meals for the next week. Thank you everyone for helping!

Some News

sorry if this is just one liners and not complete paragraphs. Today has just been so exhausting for me.

Called the ICU this morning to make sure it was ok to visit, so I did and went at about 9:30. Stayed till 1:30. They kept checking his blood gas and O2 levels to see any improvement and there was some.

The nurse told me he wasn't ready to come off the vent, but then the RT (Respitory Therapist) said that the Dr had ordered a "test", so technically he had been off the vent from 8AM and was doing all the breathing on his own. That was great! Also, on the vent his O2 levels had been brought down to 40%, which is what they wanted him to beable to maintain.

So, Dr comes around again and tells us at noon or so they can try to extubate him. They did, everything went ok and he's been off the vent since noon today, so almost 12 hours.

He is taking a really, really, really long time to come around. He was very confused today. And very feisty. And EXTREMELY surly. I finally had to leave at 1:30 because his attitude was just too much for me. To give you an example, when I asked him what my name was, he called me Bitch. lol. It doesnt bother me, I thought it quite comical. When they took out his Art line (artery line), Colleen, his nurse, was holding his wrist really really tightly to get him to clot because it was in an artery. So he told her to stop squeezing him so hard or he'd break her arm. Oh, and the language we heard was quite colorful, to say the least. See the surliness? that's quite normal apparently.

One funny thing was that when I asked him what his name was, he said in a drunken voice, "Master Of The Universe". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm still laughing at that one.

So I went home and came back about 6 hours later, and just got home again. I spent about 7-8 hours at the hospital today. I would have stayed longer today, but he was still just exhausted and not really making much sense, so I figured I'd just go home.

The RT was there tonight (there is a new one every day it seems) and as I was leaving, she told me she was going to put a Bpap or Cpap, one of those two on him, to help him sleep. He might have some sleep apnea, and they just want him to get a good sleep. He's seriously been sleeping for almost 12 hours straight not being on any sedation. But he sleeps like that all the time anyway, and will sleep for a day if you let him.

Don't give me any crap for saying this, but the sound of him snoring was so annoying. It was much quieter with him on the vent. And it doesn't help that his attitude wasn't very good either, so even though I do know he can't help it, I was still slightly annoyed.

Tomorrow should be better, and he'll be more alert. Looks like he'll still be in the ICU/CCU for another day or even more. There are no empty beds upstairs and they will just keep him where he's at.

Oh, and his O2 levels are ok, but not superb yet, so he still has a lot of recovery time ahead of him. At least he is breathing room air though.

So that's my update! Now to go to bed and get some sleep myself. IN the morning mom and I are heading to JoAnn to get my sewing machine, and then I'll head back to the hospital to hopefully find a more awake and cheerful husband.

This Gets Old Fast

No news yet. Nothing has really changed except they have lowered his O2 levels to 50%, which is good. But his blood gas still isn't high enough. Maybe they'll try get him off the respirator tomorrow, but they don't know.

people keep asking me if he's going to get better and I just don't know. I don't have any answers and I'm tired of getting asked that question. I understand everyone wants to know, and this is just a normal response, but I just don't have the answers. please don't be offended if you're one of those who asks me, it's just that as a whole, I really hate it. If anyone wants answers, it's me.

He was responsive again, and was able to communicate with me a bit by hand squeezes, blinks and head nods.

I'm tired of this hospital routine and it's only been 4 days, almost 5. It's physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting. I know he wants me and needs me there, but I can only handle a couple visits a day. I usually go in the morning and late at night. It's ok to do this, right? He knows I love him, and I'd do anything...I just need a break from it all.

I'm so testy lately with other people, I can't tolerate idiots so today at the grocery store I saw some woman park her car maybe two feet in the parking spot, and the rest on the "aisle", so I wrote her a note and stuck it on her windshield telling her to learn how to park. I just can't stand stupid people right now, and I'm tired of being asked questions all the time.

Right now I'm just trying to get through the weekend. I will have to deal with a whole new routine on Monday because it's half days all week, and mom won't be here. I have to rely on friends again to help out with childcare. I'm scared I won't be able to find someone to help me with the kids, even though some people said they would. I know I cant go to the hospital from 1PM till the kids are in bed, so I need someone from 9AM till 12/1PM, and then 8/9 PM till 11PM.

I miss my husband so much. I hate seeing him like this. I need him to get better. I just need a hug from him

Another Update

I've been at the hospital a million times in the last few days it seems.

I wasn't able to go today till after lunch, as I had a dental appointment this morning and the kids' school had late start.

So he's doing ok, a little better than yesterday. His O2 levels were 100% yesterday in the morning, and they've slowly been lowering them to 60%. He is still on the respirator, has a feeding tube, and all that other stuff.

Today he was really agitated and kept trying to write something. he was making the motion with his right hand that he wanted a pen. I kept telling him no, and he kept getting upset. He was also trying to talk to me, and lift his head. So the had to sedate him more because he was getting too upset. I told him to blink twice if he loved me, and he did. <3 He looked at me too, and recognized me, so that gave me great comfort. I was able to calm him down a few times, but at one point his heart rate went up to 200.

Right now i don't know what's going to happen. We're all hoping for the best, and he is on the road to improvement it seems, but he is still very very sick.

I don't have anything much to post, but perhaps tonight I will have more information.

My mom is here, so I can stay long tonight if I want. I'm going back tomorrow for the morning. And then tomorrow night. Over, and over and over again. It's a routine now, and i feel very friendly with the nurses, lol.

I'm sorry if I don't seem distraught, upset, whatever. I'm just plugging away at it and trying to keep my head up for him and the kids. Sometimes I just need a break from the hospital. I'm sure he understands, I can't stay there all the time. I'm still scared, and I miss him desperately. I really really miss him. I just wish I could feel him hug me and kiss me.

'm sorry if I don't seem distraught, upset, whatever. I'm just plugging away at it and trying to keep my head up for him and the kids. Sometimes I just need a break from the hospital. I'm sure he understands, I can't stay there all the time. I'm still scared, and I miss him desperately. I really really miss him. I just wish I could feel him hug me and kiss me. Honestly, I'm kind of running on auto pilot now. My appetite is almost non-existant, I've had just yogurt and a banana today with a glass of milk. I'm just not hungry. I've lost weight already, I weighed myself last night and I was down a few pounds in just a couple days. I have managed to eat dinner, last night a friend brought us some delicious spaghetti. it's just nice not having to cook. Someone else is bringing us dinner again tonight. If anyone I know is reading this, then dinner would be most welcome next week. I know you all told me to ask, so here I am asking! Please call and ask. Or if someone can watch our youngest during the day, I would love it.

This morning I found some photo paper that I had, and printed off some photos for him to tape up on his wall. I thought he would like to have some of us that he could look at once he is feeling somewhat better.

Until later...

And yet, another update

Thanks to my wonderful friend and neighbor Sara, I was able to visit him this evening for a couple hours.

First off, let me say how much those hospital masks SUCK! Seriously, my face is numb from the foam in them. It's so freakin uncomfortable.

Secondly, I did NOT know this, but the CCU is the same as ICU. So for those wondering, he is in the ICU.

Ok, so, I got there shortly after 9PM tonight and they were examining his air way. They haven't been able to get in a feeding tube , and will be doing it by Xray tonight. Probably now actually, now that I am gone.

There is no change right now in his condition. I can't really even pretend to understand all that medical mumbo jumbo. All I know is that he is on 70% pure O2 with the Respirator right now. There is blood in his lungs from the bad infection too. He needs to be able to maintain 50% on his own. I guess how they do that is wait till they see some form of improvement and once he gets somewhat better, then they can turn the respirator down and let his lungs do most of the work. But honestly, I couldn't even understand that. I don't know what his levels have to be, what they're at. Whats best for him right now is to be on the respirator and to let his body get healthy.

Tonight was a good visit though, he was lucid and partially awake when I went in there, meaning he was responsive to me. They actually turned down the sedation a bit. When I got there he was a bit agitated from the nurses poking and prodding him, and once they stepped back, i went up to him and held his hand. He looked me in the eyes, which was great. And yes, he did recognize me. A wife knows, we just know. I was really happy to see that. I asked him a few minutes later if he was able to hear me talking smack about him with Rick today, and he shook his head no. I also got a couple hand squeezes from him, and some eyebrow wiggles or whatever you call them. He couldn't open his eyes, but wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I went in tonight armed with nail clippers and foot lotion for him. I gave him a nice trim, lol, and a good foot massage too. Afterwards I was trying to exercise his legs for a bit, but he did NOT like that at all, and pushed against my hand and wiggled his toes. So I stopped.

The rest of the night, I talked about anything and everything. I also had brought some trivial pursuit cards because we like that game, and asked him the questions and then answered them for him ;o)

Tomorrow it looks like I won't be able to visit for awhile. I have a dental appointment in the morning to get a couple broken fillings fixed, and then Sara will be watching our youngest for me. But since she has somewhere to be, then I will most likely just come straight home and go visit him once my mom gets here. At least with mom coming, I dont have to worry about how long I stay. And then I can also come late at night after the kids are in bed too, like I did tonight.

I've got so much responsibility right now, I just don't know what to do about all that. I've got the work thing figured out, I am going to call in the morning and get it taken care of. The school I have to call too, but I did leave a message for his advisors to call me or vice versa. Honestly, the most pressing issue for me is the financial one. I don't know what we're going to do financially. I don't know how to pay bills if there is no money coming in, and that really worries me. He could be in the hospital for a couple weeks, and then he will need a bit of recuperating time at home, so what do we do? I know I can put off the bills for a little while, but what about groceries? gas? And those bills that HAVE to be paid like credit cards and insurance? can't miss those. I hate that money has to be the one issue I worry about, but it is a true worry. Me getting a job is not going to help things, so please don't even suggest that. I'd have to pay for day care, and for what...a month? just get a job for a month? I don't even think we could go on TANF/welfare for a month.

On a lighter note, if you want to call it that, I am amazed at the strength I have been able to pull from places I never knew existed. From this morning, I am a completely different person. I took care of things I never thought I could do, and I am proud of myself for that. But I wouldn't have been able to do this without the help and support of my friends and family. Mom, Maegen, Sara, Lisa, Angela, Janelle...anyone who has talked to or seen me today, they have just been an incredible support. And if you know me and can help next week with childcare, please please let me know. Sara has to go back to work on Thursday. starting Monday it will be just myself, and I can't not visit him. I know I have a couple ladies lined up that are willing to watch our youngest, but I just need more options. Even if you came to the house after they went to bed and sat for a couple hours while I visited. Anything. I'll even drive our youngest to your house during the day! I just wish I was able to visit him more often next week. I will only have the mornings though as it is conference week and the kids have early release and get home at 1PM.

I am physically and mentally and emotionally exhausted right now. I need to get a good nights sleep. Thankfully tomorrow is late start day, and the kids don't need to be on the bus till 9:30, so we can sleep in a little bit. I might give myself till 7:30 unless the nurses call me and pass on information.

Please keep us in your thoughts and hope that something improves. Again, I will update as I can.

Tuesday PM Update

I went back to the hospital this afternoon after I made myself eat something.
I sat with him for a couple hours, made a few phone calls etc etc. I got some sort of response from him, he squeezed my hands a couple times. But he is completely unconscious, so it could just be reflexes. Either way, it gave me comfort.

The Doctor said he most likely got a staph infection in his lungs, and these infections typically get worse before they get better. He will be on the respirator for a few days as well.

I know he knows I am there, even if he doesn't know that he knows. I just know. I was able to calm him down a few times when his blood pressure went up just by talking to him and soothing him

I sit and talk to him, I joke around and say silly things. I taped up all the pictures and cards the kids made for him on his wall. His nurse Rick is really funny,and he and I were making jokes about him. He had his beard shaved off, so now he looks like a bald bowling ball, lol. He has a big head, which is why I say that, and he also shaves his head. Tonight I am going to visit again for an hour or so after the kids go to bed, and my friend Sara is watching them while they sleep. I am going to cut his toe nails, LOL, he never got around to it for a couple weeks, and I joked to Rick that I should paint his nails. I don't think I will, but I will give him a nice pedicure.

I wonder if he can hear me, and is thinking up all these smart ass remarks to give me once he wakes up again. I tease him and tell funny things about him to the nurses and the doctor, so I might be in for it when he wakes up.

Until later....

Oh, and thank you to everyone for your well wishes and thoughts. I appreciate it so much.

Oh, and I haven't gotten a chance to do this, but I want to thank all my friends/acquaintances that have passed on their help, offered dinners for us, their well wishes. I will be sending out quite a few thank you cards I think.

One other thing I forgot...
I had to take his phone and computer home with me, and while looking on his phone this afternoon for some info, something made my heart skip a beat. I dont know why I didnt notice this before. A couple weeks ago I took a photo of the sunrise that turned out really neat. He never said anythign to me about it, but guess what was on the background for his blackberry? Do you know how good that made me feel? It was like an invisible hug and love from my husband. I just was so shocked to see that. I love that man.

so here I sit

I'm home for a short while while my husband is being taken care of.

I got the call this morning from the doctor that he was being transferred to the CCU, Critical Care Unit, because he wasn't getting better. I then called the nurse in the CCU who told me to come as soon as I could. They took blood from his artery and his O2 stats were 50%. Then they put him on the CPAP, which is 100% O2 and his levels only went to 69%.

When I got there, I got a glimpse of him through the glass door of his room and just lost it. He had a whole big plastic mask on his face. I waited till the nurse brought me a mask to wear to go in.

I was able to talk to him for a short time and then all these people started coming in, and I heard the word Anesthesiologist.

As you can probably guess, he is now intubated. He is on a respirator that is helping him breathe. They had me leave for 1.5 hours while they got him taken care of. When I came back, they were still working on him, and I only had time to gather a few of his possessions like his computer etc. I'm at home right now because I just couldn't take it anymore. So I'm here for lunch, and my sister is talking to me on the phone. I had to call her because the silence here is deafening. Our youngest daughter is at my friend's house and I just didn't feel like picking her up. I'm going back to the hospital in another hour or so, and then I'll do my best to be home by the time the kids get off the bus.

Thank goodness for friends. A friend from our old city is bringing us dinner tonight. Another friend is watching our daughter while I am at the hospital. And tomorrow my mom comes.

I don't want to admit it, but I am so fucking scared I will lose my best friend. Scared to pieces. How do I keep it together for my kids when I am broken inside?

I have the weight of the world on my shoulders right now. I have to find out a way to fill out his trip packs for work. I have to call his school somehow and figure out what to do for that. I have to figure out what to do about financial issues. He's going to be in the hospital for up to 10 days. And let me say this...I am so thankful for life insurance. No one wants to think about it, but do you know how relieved I am to know that the kids and I will be taken care of if something happens?

My poor husband has been working on his beard for years, it is his pride and joy. And they shaved it off. he looks like a bald bowling ball.

I love this man so much and it just breaks my heart to see him like this. How do I keep it together when I am so scared and worried? I am trying to make life as normal as possible for the kids,. Today was pajama day at school, and I let them do that. Our daughter's birthday is on Thursday, and i am making her cupcakes. Saturday is her party, and my mom will be here so we are still going to have fun. I ordered her cake yesterday, and we're going to go have fun at Glow Golf in our mall.

My tummy is rumbling and I need to eat something even though I don't want to. I just have no appetite.

Please keep us in your thoughts, prayers, whatever it is you do. I appreciate any and all of that.

Please keep us in your thoughts

My husband is in the hospital, and is very very sick. We know he has pneumonia, but they don't know how he got it. They think he had swine flu first, and it got worse and turned into this.

When he came home last night, I had my friend Sara come over and watch the kids and I drove him to the ER. We were there for 5 hours and I finally left to come home and get some sleep. he was admitted last night, and i was able to see him for maybe 20 minutes this morning. I had our youngest daughter with us, and I had to put a mask on her. Myself, I had to put on a gown/gloves and a mask. They won't let me bring the kids to visit at all because he is so sick and they don't want the kids to catch anything.

He has been on Oxygen all day and his levels are not getting better at all. They're going to put him on 100% O2 if he doesn't improve. IF that doesn't help, then he will be put under and intubated. He told the Dr that he would be too claustrophobic to be awake, so they're going to keep him sedated and "unconscious" till he gets better, if it comes to this.

I feel lost, helpless, scared...everything. He's supposed to be home right now, and I feel like part of me is missing. his truck is outside and I hate looking at it because it reminds me that he isn't home, but lying in a hospital bed 10 minutes away. I don't know what to do, and I am so afraid of losing my best friend. The Dr told him if he hadn't come in, he would have died in a couple days! He's the sickest patient there right now, and this is a BIG hospital. I know I have to keep strong for the kids, and act as normal as possible, but I'm really struggling to keep it together. I can't help but think of the worst. I know that isn't healthy, and good for me or the kids, but I just can't help it.

Please keep him in your thoughts, and myself and the kids. I hope that the tide will turn tomorrow or tonight and we will see some sort of improvement.

I'll update as needed.

9PM update: Just talked to him and apparently is O2 stats are up slightly. So they probably won't have to intubate, thankfully. He is feeling slightly better, and managed to keep down some food. He's not out of the woods yet though, but I am just happy he is feeling somewhat better, even if only a little bit.

Our Fun Weekend, Sans Kids

This past weekend, my husband and I had the pleasure of going away for a night by ourselves. My mom and step-dad own a weekend place upstate on the coast, so we dropped the kids off there Saturday and picked them up on Sunday.

Mom and Walter live right on the ocean, so the kids had tons of fun collecting shells, jumping in sand and ocean water, playing in the pool, roasting marshmallows, and getting dirty. Meanwhile, my husband and I checked into our hotel and changed, and then headed out for a late lunch. We had some time to kill before the movie, so we headed to the Bellis Fair mall and did a bit of shopping. We bought a few books, I bought some shoes (which I LOVE), met some fellow Canadians and just meandered around the mall.

After that, we headed to the theater to see Inglourious Basterds. Wow, what an awesome movie. I really am terrible at writing reviews, but I will say that for someone who doesn't generally like Tarantino movies, this one kicked ass. I loved it. Both of us want to see it again in the theater, but that isn't very economical, so we'll be buying it the day it comes out on DVD. The characters they picked were just perfect for their parts. My favorite was "The Jew Hunter", played by Christopher Waltz. His pipe scene was hilarious! Seriously, if you haven't seen this movie, RUN to the theater and see it. You'll love it, I promise!

After an after-movie treat of Coldstone ice cream (OK, "Apple Pie A La Coldstone has to be one of THE BEST I have ever had), we headed back to the hotel. Sunday we didn't get up till 9AM. Oh, how nice it was to sleep in and not be woken up by four shrieking kids. It was great. We went out for a late breakfast/brunch 11AM and then headed over to my parent's place afterwards. We didn't want to get home too late, so we left at two.

It wasn't a long weekend, but it felt great to get away without the kids. We had a really nice time together. I hope we can do it again!

So...The Big Reveal...It's Time!!!

We sprung the news on my family a couple weeks ago already, and I've been hesitating to post about it. Mostly because I feel it is kind of anti-climactic now because I didn't get the reaction I expected from my mom. She was actually happy for us and excited about the news!

Reveal #1

We're moving from WA state to Pennsylvania next year. Completely uprooting ourselves and moving across the country.

Reveal #2

My husband, whom I am incredibly proud of, enrolled in University last December. He has been a full time student since January of this year. I am very very proud to say that he has had a PERFECT 4.0 GPA the entire time, and has also made the Dean's List every semester!!! Way to go honey, I am incredibly proud of you!!!


The story:

It all started last winter, December some time, when my husband decided he was tired of his job. He's a long haul trucker for those of you who don't know, and has been doing it since April of 2002. This lifestyle is getting tiring. We're both tired of being apart, missing each other, and him missing important events here. And especially him missing the kids grow up. But nothing happens unless you make it happen.

So he enrolled in DeVry University, and is working towards his degree in Business Administration with Concentration in Accounting. It is an accelerated program, and he will graduate August or September 2011. After that he will pursue his Masters in Accounting and will earn his CPA. While he is doing the Masters, he plans to either Teach high school math, or work as an accountant. Whatever comes along first I suppose.

We decided that enough was enough, and it was time to do something about our future. Yes, he makes good money trucking, but we want him home! I need him home. I'm tired of going to bed each night by myself and doing the single parent thing. The kids need their daddy to be there for them all the time, and not just 1 week out of every 6 or 7. So that's why he enrolled.

Once he realized he wanted to do the teaching, we decided that it would better for us to move elsewhere. Meaning somewhere cheaper than Washington state. Which brings us to Pennsylvania.

Pennsylvania is in need of Teachers. A LOT of their teachers are getting older and will be retiring soon, so the need is going up. And since all of his family is in Pennsylvania or Indiana, we figured we'd move there to be closer to his family. My Father In Law has only met the kids once, and he misses them. My sister in law has never met them, nor has anyone else. Pennsylvania is a much much cheaper state to live in compared to Washington. Houses are also much cheaper. One that we were looking at cost only $125K for 2800sq feet, 4 bedrooms/3 bath with a huge yard! Our home that we sold last year was $240K, 2000sq ft, 4 bedrooms/2 bath with 1.4 acres.
We plan to buy in a few years once my husband is finished school and has a well established job again.

It is best for our family to move, we simply can not afford WA state anymore after he graduates. I am looking forward to it, there are many pros to moving, plus...we'll only be a few hours away from NYC by train!!! My mom and sister are especially excited about that. Plus, my brother is only an 8 hour drive away from where he lives in Ontario, so he has promised to come visit us as well. And we'll be living in the same area as my Father in law and Mother in law, my Sister in law and her husband, and quite a few aunts and uncles are close by as well and also in nearby Indiana.

This post is long, long, long, so I will write more about this big change in the next day or two.

Our Vacation In Canada

Earlier this week we came back from almost a week in B.C., Canada, visiting family. We had such a good time! We were sad to leave, but life had to get back to normal. And I almost strangled my mom a few times, so perhaps it was time anyway, for us to leave. haha We left on July 16th, and came back home on the 21st.

Thursday the 16th, we just relaxed at my mom's house and visited with her, my step-dad, and my sister. My sister Maegen is a hair stylist, so she spent the evening giving us free hair cuts! It was really nice to just sit out on the deck, enjoy the weather, and sip a glass of wine. My mom made me a Black Forest Cake for my birthday, everyone and sang Happy Birthday.

Friday, we spent the day in Vancouver with my sister as our tour guide. What an EXHAUSTING day! We walked, and walked, and walked, and walked some more. Went on the Sky Train, rode the bus, walked and walked some more. We enjoyed Coal Harbor, Canada Place, walked the Sea wall, saw a Sea Plane take off, and smelled the salt water. We also visited my sister's Salon where I picked up some awesome hair products (at cost! yaay!), and then went for a relaxing lunch at White Spot, where we enjoyed some local Hefeweizen. After lunch, we ventured over to Stanley Park for awhile, and then it was time to go home to my Mom's. The evening was spent relaxing, because we were so pooped from our day. My sister wasn't able to stay, so we brought her back to her place.

Saturday was one of the best days. We planned to go to Fort Langley for the day, and then my husband and I went to see Harry Potter 6 (read the book instead, the movie was not so good). I woke up around 7:30 or so on Saturday morning, and my mom said she had to run a quick errand. I said ok, and went downstairs to get the kids' breakfast together. Mom came back about a half hour later and told us she had to go over some x-rays at the clinic. I thought nothing of it, but maybe 10 minutes later, the front door opened. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh, Walter is back" (my step dad).

Imagine my surprise when it isn't Walter, but my BROTHER, whom we haven't seen since Dec 2007!!! What a wonderful surprise!!! I had been bugging and bugging him to come home for a visit because we wanted to see him, but he kept on telling us he couldn't make it. Oh I was so happy to see him!! I just gave him the biggest hug ever. Mom had actually gone to the sky train station to pick him up, and was "lying" to us, haha. He flies back to Ontario today, so we got a good few days with him before he left.

We did land up spending the afternoon in Fort Langley, which was incredibly awesome. Fort Langley is the oldest Fort in B.C, and was started by the Hudson's Bay Company. It's very historical, and they had a lot of demonstrations. The oldest building in BC is inside the Fort, and is the only original building left from the Fort. One of the highlights of the day was learning about the "Voyageurs", and being taught the actual meaning and history to the song "Alouette". It was nice for me, because I was taught that in elementary school. The song was used as a cadence (helped them keep the beat) for the Voyageurs as they rowed, and portaged across Canada. We also learned all about the day when B.C. was born. What a treat that was. I highly recommend going to Fort Langley if you haven't already, and live in the area. We had a lot of fun there. We even got to see a working Blacksmith! Everything was very entertaining, and the kids had a blast with their uncle too.

This post is getting to be longer than I intended, so I will continue in a couple days. Here are a few pictures of Fort Langley for your enjoyment:


We were standing in the room depicted in the picture. This shows how B.C. was born, and became part of Canada.

And this is the oldest building in BC, and the only building left standing from Fort Langley all those years ago.


Just thought this was funny. We were in the building shown above, and they had a bunch of furs, goods, etc, depicting the Fur Trade of Canada. I know it's a Beaver, but I can't help but say "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood", every time I see it, haha.

A Sad Day

Today we got back from our vacation up in BC, Canada. I intended to write a nice happy post about our vacation, but that will have to wait for a few days.

My father in law called me while I was on my way home from picking up the dog from the kennel, and I informed him I wasn't home and to call back in 10 minutes when I was home. He said he had bad news.

On saturday, my husband's 19 year old cousin, Dustin, was killed in a head on collision on an Indiana highway. He was in the car with his girlfriend, who had taken off her seatbelt to sleep more comfortably. Dustin didn't like this, so he reached across her to buckle her up, and as he did this, he swerved into the other lane and collided with a Semi/Tractor-Trailer head on. He was killed instantly. The driver of the semi wasn't hurt, but his truck was totaled and on fire. Dustin's girlfriend Hannah survived, and was brought to the hospital for internal injuries and broken bones. She is doing well now though, so we've heard. I can't imagine what she is feeling right now, especially since Dustin saved her life. And his parents and sister...I just don't know.

I just ask that you please keep his parents, and our family, in your thoughts. I never had the pleasure of meeting Dustin, and unfortunately we just missed the last family reunion which was at his parent's home. But from what I've heard from my husband, and the rest of the family, he was a loving, kind hearted young man. It has been a sad day here, and I feel so bad for his parents and sister, as well as the rest of our family. The funeral was this morning, but my father in law didn't tell us until today because he didn't want to ruin our vacation. We wouldn't have been able to attend, but we appreciate the thought. It's kind of surreal to know that we were having fun on Saturday, doing some touristy stuff at Fort Langley, never knowing that Dustin had died.



RIP Dustin John Ash, you will be sorely missed.

My Husband Is Home

I just wanted to do a quick post letting everyone know I will be gone for awhile. My husband will be home for two weeks, and for a week during that, we're going on vacation. We're just visiting my mom, but I am not sure if Internet access will be readily available. My mom does have Internet, but you know how it is on vacation. I'll be quite busy, so I am not sure if I'll be able to blog.

I'll do one or two more posts before we leave on Thursday, and then I'll be MIA till next week Tuesday or Wednesday.

I hope everyone has a great week!!

I'm Going To Be An Aunt!

My hubby's sister is pregnant and due next January, or February we think. She isn't quite sure of her due date yet, but she will find out soon at her next appointment.

We're all very excited! This will be the 6th grandchild for my In-laws, and the first grandchild they'll be able to hold from birth. They haven't met my one niece who lives in Minnesota, and my father in law has only met my kids once. We're planning a trip out there next summer, July probably, and then we'll be able to meet the newest member of our family. My sister-in-law and I have gotten quite close, and text and talk all the time, so it's like my own sister is expecting. It is quite funny because as this is her first pregnancy, she is full of questions and keeps asking me stuff about being pregnant.

We're all hoping she has a boy too. My brother in law is the only boy in his family, and our son is the only boy in our family. Actually, my son is the only grandson on each side! So we need some boys!!!

I was at the mall yesterday picking up a shirt for myself, and also stopped by Gymboree to check out their Red Balloon Sale. I picked up this for Katie (my sis in law):



The romper was a whopping $2.39 and the pants were only $.79!!!!! I'm going to try find the coordinating jacket and hat for her as well.

I love those pieces. Aren't they cute? They're a soft velour material.

I also picked up these items for my own kids:




For the older girls, they got the shirts and skirts, my son got the Halloween shirt, and the baby got the jeans and cami. Our oldest got the Halloween tights, and all the girls are sharing the hair accessories. The Christmas ones will be going in stockings, as will the tulle skirts. The older girls will love them (and I got one for them in each of their sizes!)

My grand total was only $52.62 plus tax. I got 22 items for $2.59 each with tax!!! But if you want to get technical like me, without tax, each item cost $2.39. Way better than Wal Mart or Target prices!!

A Week? Oops!!!

Wow, I thought I had posted more in the last week.

We have been so busy. Wednesday we spent all day clearing out the closets and de-cluttering, we threw away so much crap!

Thursday we spent all day at our storage unit clearing it out and re-packing things to put back in our shed. We had rented a cargo van to bring stuff to goodwill and home, and there was so much stuff we had to make two trips. First we went through everything, and decided what went to goodwill. So we packed up the cargo van for goodwill, and was it ever packed! Then we went BACK to the storage unit and filled up the rest of the stuff for home. When we got home, we had to re-pack a few things from boxes and put them into our Rubbermaid/sterilite bins, and then they went in the shed. It was time to bring the cargo van back by then, so we left the garbage in the storage unit. My husband and son went back to the storage unit after the kids got back from school, and then cleared out the garbage. Whew, that was a chore! We were so tired Thursday night.

Friday we were blessed with gorgeous weather for our trip to the Woodland Park Zoo. We had so much fun! The kids got tired towards the end, but they were all troopers. We spent the rest of the weekend relaxing, and it was well deserved. Today we are heading to Lowes to get a few things for outside. I need to get some planters for the kids flower plants they planted at school, and my husband needs to get some bolts to fix the wheel barrow. Plus we need to go to the bank, I need to return some stuff at Bath and Body works. Ugh! we're so busy it seems.

Anyway, on Friday unfortunately we were not able to see the Tigers, Penguins and the Lion. They were all hiding. But we still got to see some neat animals.

I don't have much time to post, we're on our way out, but here are a few pictures for your enjoyment. It was hard to get really good shots because it was so bright outside, plus a lot of the animals were far away, and I shot a lot through glass. So please pardon my fuzzy pictures.







I wanted to add some more pictures, but that will have to be saved for another day. Blogger only allows me 6.

Be on the lookout for a post titled "The Big Project". I have to talk to my husband about posting about it, but it should be ok to post with some limited information. I hope to post that soon, within the next week or so.

Happy New Year!!

Out with the old and in with the new! I can't believe it is 2009 already, 2008 went by so fast.

2008 was a bit of a challenging year for us. We decided that to save ourselves, we had to sell our house. We actually listed it almost one year ago and were lucky to find a buyer almost right away. We moved in March into a rental, the kids started at a new school and we began a new life in a new city. Selling the house was difficult for sure, but at least we aren't drowning with our mortgage, right? 2008 was also a happy year for us, as we were able to become more financially stable. The kids also made new friends, adjusted well into a new school and love it there. I was able to get a YMCA membership and get some time to my self a few times a week while I work out. My husband is still the #1 Driver at his work and we made more money than 2007!

This year we started out with some old family traditions. My husband's family is German, so they always did Pork and Sour kraut for new years day, and that will be our dinner. My family being Dutch, we always made Oliebollen, which is a dutch apple fritter served with icing/powdered sugar. I made that today and we just had a mid afternoon snack. The Oliebollen was a hit, the kids and my husband love them.

2009 is going to be the start of a new adventure for our family. I can't go into too many details per the request of my husband, but it will bring a lot of change and excitement. Just wish us luck! I'm going to be doing a lot more canning/jam making this summer. I did that last summer, and our jam stores are dwindling, so it will be nice to have some fresh stuff this summer. My husband is looking into doing a different route with his job, and if all goes well, he will be home quite possibly every weekend for a day or two. That would be a very welcome blessing for our family; we get to spend more time together, and it would also help hold me more accountable in the housework department. lol

This year we also have some financial, as well as personal goals. Financially we're going to pay off our two credit cards (the balance is only $1300) once we get our tax return. With our tax return, we will also pay off our youngest daughter's bedroom set. Paying off those 3 bills will save us about $160 a month, so that is a huge boost to our savings account each month.

And last, but not least, my personal goal is to lose weight. I know, it's hack to say that, but I do plan on it. Hubby and I are going to celebrate our 10th anniversary this year, so I would like to be considerably thinner for our anniversary. We actually plan to go away for a night or two while my mom watches the kids. He proposed here , so we thought it would be fun to go back there for our 10th anniversary. I know we just had our 9th, but I'm really looking forward to this one!

Pardon my long-windedness.

I hope everyone has a Happy New Year!

Daily Doings

I thought it might be "fun" to do a post with everything I do every day...Maybe it will motivate me to do more?

*Got up and got the kids up, fed them
*Called the school Transportation office about school-late start today
*started a load of laundry
*went outside in 25F weather to help my son find forked twigs for a snowman project for school
*helped the kids do the dishes and clean the litter box (i'm mean. the kids had a late start today so I made them do chores! Muhahahaha)


It's only 8:41 today and I still have to shower obviously. I also have to go to the post office and mail some christmas cards and a package to my father-in-law. Figure out what to make for dinner, tidy up the house....etc etc.
I'll update later ;o)

3:11 PM

* Showered, got dressed and ready to go
* fed the baby and I lunch
* called the landlord
* Drove on icy roads which scared me
* Went to the post office and mailed out lots of cards and a package
* Went to Target and got a few groceries that I needed
* Did 3 more loads of laundry
* Scraped the ice/snow off the van
* paid this weeks bills
* Called XM radio to take one of our radios off
* Stopped a 2.5 year old from cleaning out the bathroom sink with her oldest sister's toothbrush.

I have to make dinner still, I am making Shepherd's Pie tonight. I also need to research Sinter Klaas for my talk at my daughter's school on wednesday. Do more laundry. Help with homework. Do the dishes. Wrap some presents.

I'll update again tonight!!



* Called AT&T regarding a bill
* welcomed the kids home from school and got them a snack
* helped 3 older kids with their homework (spelling, sentance making etc. It took awhile)
* prepped dinner
* cooked dinner
* helped with more homework
* called my Oma
* didn't do the dishes because I made the kids do it.
* uploaded some new photos to photobucket

I need to do some more housework tomorrow! ugh.

As of 10:30PM:

* folded a lot of laundry I did earlier, plus I am washing more. I am really behind on my laundry. It truly is my nemesis
* Did research on "Sinter Klaas" for my daughter's class
* watched an episode of ER while I was folding

And to mama bear, who posted below that this was a busy day. No, it was a lazy day for me. I feel like I got nothing accomplished and I'm quite embarrassed that I actually posted that. I didn't do hardly anything around the house except for laundry and dinner. My man is coming home in a week and I really need to prepare more.

Here is some of what I hope/have to accomplish tomorrow:

*scrub out both showers/tubs and the 3 bathroom sinks
*attend an achievement assembly for my oldest daughter (1PM)
*go to Karate with my son (4:30-5:30)
*prepare a crockpot dinner. I think it will be chili tomorrow.
*call my Oma to ask her what Sinterklaas was like when she was younger

And before my husband comes home, I need to:

*bring xmas bins to the shed
*catch up on ALL the laundry
*de-clutter our bedroom
*wrap all the presents
*decorate the gingerbread village with the kids - our weekend project
*buy the ham and all the trimmings
*bake, bake, and more bake. lol

I haven't been to SPIN class in forever, and I am irritated that I am so busy! I know that this is a crazy month for most people, so I expected that, but I kind of miss exercising. And what is going to happen to me when I go back in january and haven't been for forever? pain! ugh. I hope I can fit in a session friday morning, and then when my husband is home a class or two. At least that way my bum won't hurt too much when I get back on the bike Jan 5th.

This week alone I have had somewhere or something to do every day. Today I was supposed to go to Spin class, but then the kids had a 2 hour delay today because of ice on the road, so I wasn't able to make it on time. Tomorrow we have the assembly and Karate. Wednesday I have to talk to my daughter's class 9:30Am, so spin is out for that too. Thursday I have MOPS in the morning, have to go to Wal Mart afterwards to get a few things for my hubby, and then I get to take my son to Karate at the Y again in the evening. Friday this week looks like my only free day, so I am really really hoping I can go to spin class. But who knows really, because our snow is supposed to accumulate on wednesday, so if there is no school, I can't go.

Phew!

I am going to finish researching my Sinterklaas stuff, fold some more laundry and then go to bed.