I say Almost Normal, because my son isn't going back to school today, just the girls. He hasn't been feeling well, and had a fever yesterday, so today I'll keep him home.
But is this really normal anyway? for us I guess it is. Up at 7, me showered, kids get dressed, off to school and the "baby" and I go out to run errands or do something fun.
So while I guess this really is a normal day, it really isn't either. When my husband was alive, practically every morning, unless he had to sleep or was too busy to call, he would send me a text saying "time to get up baby". This morning when my alarm went off, I grabbed my phone from my bedside expecting to see a text from him. And then I realized it wouldn't be coming. ever again. Talk about a crushing disappointment.
I wish it were a normal day. I wish I got my text or bbm (blackberry message) this morning telling me to get up. That would mean he would be calling me in approximately 20 minutes now.
Instead, today I get to entertain my in laws for one more day. I get to go to the bank and deposit checks that, while I am very very grateful for, were given to me in sympathy of him dying. I also get to call the funeral home and make an appointment for tomorrow so I can order his plaque. Oh, and let's see, I also need to call the life insurance companies again to see if my paperwork has been sent.
So it's not an Almost Normal, or a Normal day; it's a Craptastic, Craptacular, Shitty fucking day.
My aunt was widowed 8 years ago around the same age as me. She was 32 though, instead of 29, and had two young kids at ages 3 and 8, also same as me except for my7-year-old . She told me that one day I will be ok, one day. But it's going to take a long time. I know that, I wish it were easier though.But one day, in the future, I will be ok. The kids will be ok. And we will be happy again. One day.