so I am going to bed in the last set of dirty clothes he wore before he went into the ER. They smell like him and I am sleeping in them. Ive been wearing his shirt all day and I will put on his shorts in a few minutes here when I go to bed.
I also have the wash cloth they had over his forehead when he was having trouble breathing this morning and it smells like him too, so I have that actually drying in my bathroom, but it will be accompanying me to bed tomorrow night.I'm just exhausted. I dont want to be a widow. I'm angry at life. I even wished today that more women were widows so they would know how it feels. I'm afraid to go through life without him. So desperately afraid that I want to crawl into a little ball and rock myself and scream.