Friday, November 13, 2009

Reality Is A Cruel Bitch

Don't you agree?

This morning I heard the familiar sounds of air brakes, and my heart started beating faster with excitement, pitter patter pitter patter.. I knew it wasn't Barry, but I couldn't help myself, and went outside to look and see what it was. Just a truck at the neighbor's house. Though my mind knew, my heart was still slightly crushed.

Unfortunately, the dog also heard it. Braddock loves Barry, and is used to him being gone. As soon as he heard them, he started whining and crying. You never really think of the pets in this sort of situation, but he knows. Braddock has known that sound for a very long time, since early 2004. Air brakes by the house means Daddy is home.

But now he's not.

I still haven't full accepted Barry's death. Why? I don't know. I just don't know how to fully comprehend it. Wrapping my mind around it is such a foreign concept to me and I still don't understand. And I'm not sure when I will. My mind does know, but my heart does not. I think that had Barry had a job where he was home all the time, this would be an easier transition. His job was a blessing, and a curse in disguise. So yes, we're used to him being gone which helps with day to day life, but again, we're also used to him being gone, so it doesn't seem real.

As I am typing this, the dog heard the truck outside start up again, and he is barking like mad. He thinks Barry is home. He is conditioned, like Pavlov's theory of Classical Conditioning.

On a bit of a happier note, I decided that this year the kids and I would adopt two children from the Salvation Army Angel Tree. You can pick an angel in your area, and either have the items shipped to the Salvation Army in their name, or drop it off at a local location. I'll be dropping them off at a local Salvation Army center.

I just felt really called to do this. Everyone has been so good to us, that I just wanted to make someone else's Christmas a little brighter. I have wanted to do this in the past, but we could never spare the money. This year I decided I would make sure I did. Please consider doing so if you can spare some, even $50 to go buy an outfit and some toys. I assure you it would really really help some parents give their children a Christmas that they can't otherwise afford.

I did have another, completely different, idea for today's post, but that will have to wait. I just felt it was more important to talk about what the dog was going through.

Pets grieve too.

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