Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Neighbor Issues!!!

If I could have no neighbors, I would be so happy! my next door neighbor came stomping up my porch and steps this morning and got upset with me for one thing after another. Her and I have very different ways of parenting, and our kids don't play well together at all. Things just came to a head this morning...her son and my middle daughter were having a bit of an argument at the bus stop, and my son stood up for his sister and called her son a name that she didn't like. *asshole*. Hubby and I try to watch our language around the kids as much as we can, and don't let the kids swear, but we don't really censor them either. We personally don't think that "asshole" is all that awful, but to her it is. We don't conform to the norm that's for sure. Anyway, she came stomping up the porch mad as a hornet about the name calling and whatnot and now she is threatening me and saying she'll be an awful neighbor and hate me. And I think what made her the most was that my first reaction to what my son called her son, was to laugh. I just thought it was funny. We teach our kids to stick up for themselves and their siblings!! I know that you can't control knee jerk reactions, and I plan on apologizing to her again for laughing.

I'm just tired of it with them. Over and over and over again. I'm always hearing from my kids how awful the neighbor kids are to them. Their daughter is so awful that the teacher had to seperate her and my daughter in class (when the school year started, the teacher had put them side by side not knowing they were next door neighbors and fought). Their son slammed my son's hand up against the bus window once and caused his hand to be bruised and cut. It just never ends and I am so tired of it!

I don't know what to do anymore. Neither of us has any plans of moving (we're both renters) so we're stuck here for the time being.

Please don't flame me for what I am about to say next. It's just an observation and I don't mean to offend anyone or make any stereotypes. I'm just trying to understand how she is. They are on welfare, food stamps, and section 8 housing and her husband is a bum who sits at home doing nothing all day. she works part time and "pays the bills". And again, i have no problem with that stuff, it's there to help people and I think that's a great system. Anyway, we're not involved with anything like that. We have a nice vehicle, my kids wear all nice clothes and I make sure to take care with their appearances. My husband works hard to provide for us and I am lucky to have these things and be able to stay home. We only rent because we're trying to save up to buy a home (otherwise we would so NOT be here!) Her/Hers...not so much and her kids are either in too small or too big clothes and look unkempt a lot of the time. Is it possible that maybe she is jealous and acting out because of that? I wonder if she is bitter that we have more than she does?

I have tried to explain to her time and time again that the kids just don't get along, but she apparently doesn't get it. Kids bicker and fight, it just happens. Her kids have very different temperaments than mine, She was raised religious...we're not religious.

Can anyone give me advice on how to mend things? I'm planning on going over there this afternoon when she gets off work. I don't care if her and I are not friends, I really don't...I just don't want to have a hate-hate relationship with her.

I think hubby and I just repel neighbors! Maybe we should learn to conform, but maybe not

*** Hmm... I wanted to actually respond to my own post, but I'm not quite sure how. My plan for this afternoon is to talk to the neighbor and just suggest that we have the kids stay apart as much as possible. I know that isn't easy because with kids it just goes in one ear and out the other. Kids are enemies one day and best friends the next. I guess somehow I will have to convey that to my neighbor. I hate confrontation.


Mama Bear said...

Lame - neighbor issues suck.

In my opinion (and you know I was raised in a religious home just like you were), asshole isn't exactly what I'd want my kids to be saying...I understand that you are no longer religious but there are some things that are just inappropriate and don't have anything to do with religion - language like that is one of them. I guess in my opinion it's a matter of respect - children using language like that is a sign of disrespect - again, that's just my opinion. :)

I'm sort of surprised that she felt she had to come storming up your steps and give you what for - is she sort of sensitive? I mean, you are right, kids hate eachother one minute and are ok with eachother then next, so get over it, this is how they learn to be a part of society!

Her threats to you are laughable, for sure - ooooh I'm going to HATE you! Heehee.

What is section 8 housing, just out of curiosity?

I wonder if maybe you are right, that she is a bit jealous that you guys are somewhat better off than they are, or maybe she's jealous that your husband works hard and supports you guys while hers sits at home like a loser?

I don't think it's up to you to conform, but I do think that it's important to at least be able to be civil to your neighbors so I think that you going over there to try and mend things is a good idea...after all, a civil relationship is WAY better than a hate hate one.

How you could mend That's hard. Because you want to stand your ground, and she'll stand hers, so it's difficult.

Maybe just tell her how you feel, that you are sorry that the kids don't get along, but that's just how kids are (insert haha) and how about we keep them apart to keep the peace? And then ask what she thinks about that - because that will convey to her that you care about what she thinks, it will make her feel better, hopefully.

Good luck and I'm looking forward to hearing about what happens this afternoon!!!

KrustyTheCat said...

Well, to each their own, right? In this case, I don't think M calling the neighbor boy was a form of disrespect. M was acting out because he was just so frustrated with the neighbor boy being a bully yet again, and I full support M for doing that. I have no problem with what he said, because he has never said it to them before. But yet my kids are constantly harassed by the neighbors. it's really frustrating hearing all the time how so and so did this, and so and so did that. The one time M was "assaulted" by the neighbor boy, I did go talk to the parents, but I certainly didn't react the way she did and yell and scream and threaten her. M came home with a bruised and cut hand that day.
At least he didn't hit the neighbor, right? I'd rather he call him asshole than hit him.

I'll keep you updated!

Mama Bear said...

I'm so all for kids standing up for themselves and siblings - that's a good thing for sure!

The whole hand issue blows me away - all your kid did was call her son a name and HER KID physically injured yours...I think she's overreacting for sure.

You better post a recap later!! LOL

KrustyTheCat said...

I will for sure. We're actually going to wait to talk till friday when B comes home because he "argues" better than me, lol. I'll post an update for sure. I think she selectively forgot the hand injury.