Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Sleepless Ramblings Of A New Homeowner

It's the wee hours of the morning and I am laying here in my bed, typing on my laptop, as sleep will not overcome me. again.

I've been having this problem for awhile now. It comes and goes really, and was really very bad just a few short months ago when I was still in shock from losing Barry. And now it's resurfacing: being tired, but restless, and unable to settle down and sleep. My mind going a million miles a minute, while my eyes burn from lack of shut-eye.

I took a Valerian root capsule and I am hoping that helps. At least I can be happy that I am laying in bed, and it was just shortly after midnight when I started typing this, rather than last night when I wasn't in bed till well after 2AM.

Today was my first full day of being an official homeowner!! Monday afternoon I got the call from my Realtor about 3:34 PM saying that the title had FINALLY recorded at County, and that the house was mine. HOORAY!! After the kids got home from school, my mom and I and the kids went over to the house to bring some stuff over. It was the first time I had been in the house without my Realtor, and it felt so surreal. I almost didn't feel right about it, because for the past month, I have only been in the house with him. And I'll be honest, I am going to miss him! He has done so much for me the past couple months we've been working together, and we've seen each other often. But I will be seeing him again, because he is going to be helping me with changing the garage door code, an getting me the mailbox key etc etc. Essentially, he is my "Barry" right now. He is doing a lot of the guy stuff for me that I haven't delegated to my friend Jason, or my girlfriends' husbands.

As I walked into the house yesterday afternoon, I made sure to put something very special on the fireplace mantle. It was the first official item that was placed in the house after it was in my name. And that item was the American flag that I was presented at Barry's funeral. It now sits ensconced in a cherry and glass triangular case, upon my mantle. I had actually thought about bringing Barry's Urn to put on top of there, but I decided against it because I didn't want to leave him in the house by himself! And yes, I laughed about that.

So now begins yet another chapter in our lives: A new house, new memories, new friends.

New Beginnings.


Chrissy said...

You are lucky to have a realtor who would do those little things for you.. My realtor is a friend and I didn't think to ask her to help me w/those things.. instead my middle daughter did... As far as sleeping, maybe when u are in those moods, it might help for you to journal your thoughts... I know it did for me... and yes, you will be reminded time and time again... I was reminded soon after I had to make the decision of ending a 4 year relationship w/someone that I thought would be 'the one'... It made me wonder if my husband was witnessing the decision that I made and wondering if he was shaking his head or saying "bravo, u dumped that sucker". Let me say you are doing a great job moving thru your grief...I commend you...

Thia said...


Jessica said...

What a great moment in your new life. And that house is picture-perfect, truly! So here's to you! *clink!* I can't wait to see all the good stuff this brings your way. :)

Elizabeth said...

I just wanted to say congratulations on your new home! I have to say that you are one of the strongest people I have come across in my life... I don't know that I would have the strength you do, given the same situation. I've been following you for a few months and well, it sounds so silly from a stranger a million miles away, but I'm so proud of you for carrying on and being who you. Thank you for inspiring me to see the small things in life... and again, congratulations, I hope you have many happy memories in your new home.