Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Dear Barry

My Darling Barry

It has now been 4 months since we said goodbye for now. Four months, already? Do you know how hard it is to believe that? Time has flown by, passed us so quickly, yet it has dragged on as slow as molasses.

In honor of you, I decided to do something special as I write this blog post. It is February 9th, but I will publish this February 10th at 11:11AM, the time that you died. Can you guess what I did that was so special for this day? Here I sit on the couch, as usual. But I am in your spot on the couch, and I am sitting here using your lap top, writing a "Dear Barry" letter to you, as your picture sits on the end table to my left. It's quite surreal actually.

I haven't opened your computer in quite some time, I can't really remember the last time I even turned it on! The EeePC you bought for yourself for your birthday last year sits in the bottom drawer of my dresser, I haven't even used that since Kevin was here for your funeral. I was scared to open it to be honest, I feel like I am invading your privacy. Kind of funny I guess to feel that way, but I do.

Yesterday the twins turned 9! 9 years old already, can you believe it? I remember the day they were born so well. I bought them each a Guitar! M got more legos, and a Bionicle and a puzzle. V got craft supplies galore, and Mousetrap. We went out for dinner to Izzy's Pizza. The last time we were all there was in July, two days before my birthday. It was the night you bought me my Wii Fit! We even sat at the same table the other night as we all did back in july. The kids and I thought that was so very special, it was our special tribute to you. We miss you so much Barry! Saturday I am having the twins' birthday party at the gymnastics place. I accidentally invited more kids than I thought, haha, so we will have a big party! The kids are looking forward to it though, and I am looking forward to it myself. I am so very lucky that Connie and Sara will be staying to help me!!

The house hunting is coming along nicely. I know you already know this, but I did put an offer on a house a few weeks ago. Its a beautiful home only 15 minutes away from us. On Sunday I took all the kids to see it, and they LOVED it. It's 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a fully fenced back yard, two car garage. There is a huge kitchen, a formal living room, and even air conditioning! haha. It is a short sale, but the process seems to be moving along quicker than ours did, so I am very happy about that. I desperately wish that I could find the kids a house back in our school boundary lines, but you know as well as I do, that it is so hard to find houses near us. I made the decision that the kids will transition to a new school probably in the fall, unless the school here allows them to stay longer. They will be OK! We can still see all their friends even if we move. I know you were there with us on Sunday when we looked at the house, I could feel you there. I know I have your blessing Barry, thank you so much for that. I know you will come with us to the new house, and you have no idea how much comfort that gives me. I love you.

I've planned a trip for the kids and I this summer. Originally I had planned on going to the reunion at the end of June, but due to certain circumstances, I am almost positive I shall NOT be going anymore. To be honest, I don't want to spend the money, when it will probably be just negativity the whole time. I was also planning on taking the kids to DC and VA for a few days too after we go to PA, but since plans have changed, I'm not quite sure what we're going to be doing. I might still go to DC, or I might take them somewhere completely different.

I feel like my writing is all jumbled today, so I'm sorry if its all over the place and not making much sense. Lately I've been saying that my synapses haven't been firing well in my brain, lol. I've been so overwhelmed...especially this past week. Thursday someone hit the van in the Target parking lot, so that will be repaired next week. But this week, the brakes have been replaced, and the alignment was done as well. The doors are being fixed tomorrow, and the two front tires will be replaced as well. It seems like it is one thing after the other, but at least the van is paid off, right? I figured I would do all the needed repairs at once just to get it all taken care of. There has just been so much going on, along with the van, that I've had trouble making heads or tails of things. I am hoping that things settle down really soon, I just need a break. Sunday for Valentine's day, the kids and I will be doing something fun I think....we might make the trip up to Ikea! yes, I said UP...not down. I wont be driving to go to the Portland store.

I don't know what to write to you, to be completely honest. I miss you, I love you, and I think of you all the time.

Love forever and always,
xoxoxoxox <3 BNB

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