Sunday, January 10, 2010

In Honor Of My Husband

I just wanted to post this link really quick, and then I will be back to write later about this song and its meaning to Barry and his life..



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The lyrics to this song are

O Fortune
like the moon you are changeable
ever waxing and waning
hateful life
First oppresses and then soothes as fancy takes it;
poverty, power
it melts them like ice.
Fate- monstrous and empty
you whirling wheel, you are malevolent.
Well being is in vain and always fades to nothing
shadowed and veiled you plague me too;
now through the game I bring my bare back to your villainy.
Fate is against me in health and virtue,
driven on and weighed down always enslaved.
So at this hour without delay pluck the vibrating strings;
Since Fate strikes down the strong man; everyone weep with me!

Thank you to the anonymous reader that gave me the link to this on YouTube! I have looked at it before, but just the other day found it again and really listened/read the lyrics. It is so ironic that these words speak of him so well, how fate really did strike down the strong man. It just screams Barry! And how fitting since this was one of his favorite songs.

Throughout the years of our marriage we got the chance to talk about death a lot. He mentioned often how he always wanted this song played when they "carried him out", and in this case, he was carried out in his urn. We played the music so loud in Hope Chapel when he was taken out, he was taken out in a blaze of glory. I did it for him, I did what he wanted, and it made me so happy to do that.

I think it is so interesting how music can literally etch certain memories into your mind. Even the first few notes of a song just bring you back in time to that EXACT moment. I have one song that Barry loved, and I found to play at his service that was just perfect. It was an Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstadt song about love, obviously, and I had it played as I walked up to the podium to speak about him at his service. When I hear the music start I can think only of myself, walking up the aisle to the podium, my "speech" clenched in my hand, and just crying and smiling at the same time. Knowing I was about to say goodbye to my husband, and tell everyone what a wonderful man he was.

Another thing that is etched into my mind is the time 11:11AM. My eyes always seem to glance at the clock at that time. Not every day, but quite often lately it has been happening. 11:11 is the time that he died. The time the Dr stopped the CPR and called the time of death. The time my life was forever and completely changed.

Barry, today is a sad day and I have been crying off and on most of the morning. I miss you so much sexy man! I wish I could be happy. Sometimes I feel like I am getting happy again, and then I just feel destitute the next moment. I'm so lonely! I really really miss you honey. And I love you so much.

I'll always love you less than three.

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