Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I forgot

I forgot yesterday was the 10th.

19 months since Barry's passing.

I was already feeling upset last night (for reasons I wont get into on this blog), and when the realization of what I did hit me, I started to sob.  

The thing is, I forgot until it was after midnight, so the whole day passed without me even thinking about it.  Not once did it cross my mind.  I know this is completely normal, and I expected it would happen, but I felt so guilty still.  I felt like I forgot him.

As I lay in bed crying, I so desperately wanted to grab his t-shirt out of my bottom drawer and wrap it around me and fall asleep.  But I didn't because James was right there next to me and I felt guilty about seeking comfort from Barry.

It's hard to choose sometimes, in situations like this.  So I just left the t-shirt in the drawer and pushed the sadness and pain aside and ignored my need for Barry, and didn't go to James either.  

And then I woke up this morning in a sad, foul mood.

1 comment:

chipsforsupper said...

Have you told James? Maybe he wouldn't mind if you took Barry's shirt out once in awhile.