Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Guess I Should Post Today

Today was 10 months ago that Barry died.

I don't remember what I was doing 10 months ago exactly.  It was all a blur to me, and remembering what I did to pass that first evening that Barry was dead is to much work.  I'm sure my mind has just blocked it out, because I remember certain things like having a glass of wine with my mom and sister the next night, and crying myself to sleep each night, and also waking up at 5AM on October 11th, crying my eyes out in my sleep.

Today I experienced something sad that I wished I could have shared with Barry.  Two and a half years ago, we put our first, and only home we owned together, on the market, because we could no longer afford it.  We landed up selling it a few months later, and moved to the house I just moved out of in April.  We loved that house so much, it broke my heart to have to sell it, but we had no choice but to sell.

On our way to dentist appointments in the same town today, I though we would stop by the old house and take a peek.  I had a friend of mine that had never seen it, so I thought we'd show the house and where we used to live.  I haven't driven by there in quite some time, so imagine my surprise when we noticed the house was abandoned.  Abandoned.  The yard was filled with three foot high brown grass, debris everywhere.  The backyard was even worse, it being an acre at least, and so much junk filled it.  We looked in the windows, and were greeted to sights of garbage in the house, old nasty furniture, and just general mess.  This house that we loved so much, was foreclosed on by the people that bought it from us.  Apparently, they left their dog there too, and my old neighbors landed up taking her in as their own.

The things that we loved so much about that house were just ruined. My old neighbor Shirley told me they took a gorgeous house (which was when we had it) and turned it into a crappy fixer upper. It broke my heart seeing it like that, because it was a beautiful home when we owned it.  I'm sad for that house, and I have half a mind to go buy it, but I won't be.  It's not worth it because we've closed that chapter in our lives, and the memories we have in that house would be too painful to relive.  Christmases, birthdays, taking A home from the hospital to that house, the wood stove that Barry loved so much, our 400sq foot master bedroom, my custom oak cabinets in the kitchen.  I wish I could have told Barry about all this, and I knew he would figuratively "roll over in his grave", if he knew.

I don't have much else to write.  I filled up the day without even realizing it, and didn't even realize it was the 10th until 11:30 this morning.  I can't believe I forgot.


P.S...I did get a new car on July 23d.  I landed up purchasing a Silver 2011 Honda Pilot.  I'm absolutely in LOVE with it.  It's fantastic and gorgeous and gets pretty good gas mileage.  I drove it off the lot with 9 miles on it!! I just LOVE it ;)

2 comments:

Patrick D. said...

I'm sorry you had to see that. It's always sad when things from the past are ruined. I visited my childhood home a couple years back (http://www.patricksays.net/2007/05/01/a-sad-day/) and it broke my heart to see the condition it was in. It wasn't perfect when I grew up there, but it was okay and it was home.

Sorry.

Kalei's Best Friend said...

It can be a heart breaker when u go back to the old home.. I did that and it was kept up but still I could see little things they had done... Nothing stays the same, does it?