Tuesday, March 29, 2011

So, No More Grief Support

I suppose I realized long ago that we were ready to be done with it, but it wasn't until yesterday that I really felt OK with stopping.

Our last session was actually at the end of January, and I told our group that we would be missing the February 14th session due to it being Valentine's day, and I wanted to spend it with James.  The time after that I had to skip because gas prices were rising, and I couldn't afford it that week.  It is a 45 minute drive for us one way, so that uses up a lot of gas.  The last session we missed was earlier this month, and we were all set to go, but then my son M woke up with a 102 fever that day, so no more grief support.

Yesterday was another session (they run every other week, twice a month), but I was dreading the drive.  I really don't like driving that far on a school night because we don't get home till 9PM, and then the kids still have to shower.  I asked the three older kids why they liked going, and their first answers were because they "like playing in the gym".  That pretty much answered my question on whether or not we should continue.

When I told them that we would be no longer attending after last night, they weren't too terribly upset. My plan was to go so we could say our goodbyes and have one last session.  But then we landed up not going anyway because Kid #3, E, wasn't done her science fair project on time and it was due today.  So we stayed home.

And we're done with it.

And I feel OK.

I actually feel like there is a huge weight off my shoulders because I don't feel obligated to go anymore.  We have been in Grief Support continuously since Barry passed away, so we have gone a LONG time.  It's OK to be relieved to be closing that chapter right? We really do feel OK right now, and we are doing really well.  In two weeks it will be 18 months ago that Barry passed away, and while I feel we really don't need that constant support anymore, I know that there will still be moments of sadness, anger and crying.  And that is OK, I know that.  And I am prepared for the fact that the kids and I may need additional counseling later on in life, but for now we don't need it anymore

We're moving on.


Michelle said...

It is okay to be finished with grief support.{{{hugs}}

Sandy said...

You have probably made the right choice for now. I know you will keep an eye on your kids and know if they need additional grief support in the future.

Kalei's Best Friend said...

I don't want u to put a damper on this, I have gone thru what u have.. U have gone thru it fast... It usually takes 4 years... that's the norm.. I;ve known a few who have gone thru the cycle me included.. Grief does not end... it subsides and it can sneak up on u but each year it gets better only because we have gotten use to that loved one being gone and more so- acceptance..is the key.

KrustyTheCat said...

While I appreciate the comment you left Kalei, I have to disagree with you on this one. There is no norm in grieving, or a timeline you have to follow. Each person grieves differently. For me it was easier to move on because Barry was never home, I wasn't used to day to day life with him, so I was already in the single mom mindset for YEARS. I have been doing this for 9 years now, with the exception of a year and a half where he had a semi local trucking job and was home a few nights a week. I've never said grief would end, but we are moving on...it doesnt always have to be a sad time, do you know what I mean? You don't have to follow a timeline on grieving, you don't have to do things a certain way...to each their own. You grieved your way, and I am grieving in my own way. That is the norm...each person does what is best for them.

Allison Ellis said...

Good for you! This is such an important milestone for you and your family. I remember when I finally made the decision to quit grief group (it was similar, right around the year and a half mark after my husband died) and oh, did it feel good to move on. The grieving isn't done of course, but it's great to be able to say 'okay, that chapter is behind us now' which frees you up to focus on new things. BTW, do you know about the new widow's group online? www.widowedvillage.com. It's great.