tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393993308609569414.post1597400749554617502..comments2023-09-01T02:28:25.442-07:00Comments on One Krusty Mama: The (Unintentional) Branding of a WidowJoanna http://www.blogger.com/profile/12585040397232827208noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393993308609569414.post-3288600080352660292009-10-23T10:08:38.939-07:002009-10-23T10:08:38.939-07:00It's so hard to hear what people have to say, ...It's so hard to hear what people have to say, it's so hard to answer their questions.<br /><br />I have an experience to share and some words. It's definitely a different experience, but it's a huge loss, a piece of me I'll never get back.<br /><br />When I was 18 my father committed suicide. It felt like my heart was literally going to burst, like my world came crashing down and I couldn't catch my breath. My heart hurt SO bad that the pain is indescribable. I would cry, cry so hard that I thought my body was going to split. I cried so hard because I hoped and prayed that it would be enough to bring him back. Every morning was a nightmare and I begged for night time so I could sleep and forget. Some nights I wouldn't forget... some nights I would wake up sobbing because he was in my dreams, felt so real, but waking up I was back in my personal hell. Back to my broken heart.<br /><br />I didn't like "I'm sorry". Nobody was more sorry than me. I was sorry, sorry for myself that I lost something so very important to me and it wasn't fair. Sorry that I had to go on living without him. Sorry that I missed him so bad it felt like I was going to throw up with the hurt and loss.<br /><br />I didn't like "how are you" because I didn't even know how I was. I didn't know how to answer that question. Bad? Horrible? dying inside? Do they really want an honest answer?<br /><br />Eventually I stopped crying before I ran out of tears. Eventually my crying grew more quiet with less sobs. Eventually the dreams started to fade away. Eventually I fell asleep without crying. Eventually I accepted the loss. One day I could breathe again. <br />But never will my heart be whole and that's "ok". I will always ache with loss and longing, but I'm not dying anymore.<br /><br />I am praying for you, for whatever you need each day to get you through, so that one day you can breathe again.Amandahttp://csamandarockwellatcox.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393993308609569414.post-29046800759183821902009-10-23T00:50:21.223-07:002009-10-23T00:50:21.223-07:00I can understand that. Sympathy can be annoying, ...I can understand that. Sympathy can be annoying, when you don't want it.. feels like pity?<br /><br />Some people just don't know what else to say I think? I think the whole 'look on the bright side' crap is the worst!!<br /><br />The staring thing would get to me!!!! Ick. <br /><br />What do you say though? What do you want to hear?Lisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03075362324473272101noreply@blogger.com