Sunday, November 21, 2010

Dear Barry

Hi Honey,

I was thinking of you this morning, and wanted to write you a letter.

It's Sunday morning, I have strep throat and I feel like shit.  I went to the drop in clinic yesterday with a 102.3 Fever, and I am now on antibiotics.  It started snowing off and on this morning, the last time we had snow this early I think was back in 07 or 08.  None of it has stuck yet, but you should have heard the kids scream with joy when I told them to look out the window.

I think I am going to head out to Costco later, because I have to pick up thanksgiving stuff for this week for when Maegen and Colin come over.  I think you'd like Colin.  Maegen really does, and they make such a cute couple.  She's happy with him, and I know you would be happy for her :) They are coming for Thanksgiving weekend :)  I am buying a new tree this year, and we're going to be putting up on Black Friday with Maegen and Colin. But this time....I'm getting one that is pre-lit.  None of that "putting lights on the branches" nonsense for me anymore haha.

I have some AWESOME news for you darling.  On November 18th, Bernd and Tanja finally had their babies.  David and Bianca.  I know they tried for so many years to get pregnant, and they are our oldest friends, so I just had to share the news with you.  I can't wait to see pictures of them, I bet they are just precious.

And some of the most exciting news I have for you, is that I got to see Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, Part 1 last night, in IMAX!!! Oh baby, it was amazing.  I actually just started reading the book again, so I could refresh my memory.  I got a little teary eyed at a couple times, and thought of you.  I wish you could have been there with me, because we got to see Order of The Phoenix and The Half Blood Prince together in 07 and 09.  It just seemed wrong seeing one of the movies without you.  I wish you could have been able to see the last two.

We had a bit of a really weird thing happen last week.  Athena refused to go into the living room by the TV, and was barking really shrill like.  She was on edge and just refused to go in there, but kept looking in that direction and had a really defensive stance.  I'm thinking you were here with us, because Braddock and the cats were just fine.  They know you, Athena does not.  It was a bit unnerving to say the least, and I went in the living room where she would not stand, and then she barked, and I got goosebumps.  I wasn't scared, but I am positive you were there with us.  Was it you? Thank you for watching over us darling.

I just wanted to say hi, tell you that I love you, that I miss you.

Love forever,
Me
xoxoxp

Friday, November 12, 2010

Stress

I don't know what to write.

I'm busy being mom, mommy, mama, widow, Joanna, "wife" ?, and all else that entails who I am.

I haven't noticed how it happened, but it seems stress has crept into my life again without my knowing.  I've been having tension headaches in my jaw and facial area.  Quite honestly, I think I am clenching my teeth without realizing it. The headaches aren't THAT bad, but there is tension in my jaws, my face and the back of my head. I probably do it when I am sleeping.  It happens at random times during the day too.

I did have all four of my wisdom teeth removed in March, so I am hoping it has nothing to do with that.  I don't think so, as the tension has just started happening in the last few weeks.

Obviously something is bothering me, and I'm sure its just grief...as always.

I miss Barry, but I am so busy most of the time, I don't have time to think about him.

Actually, I FORGOT about the 10th.  Can you believe that? I didn't remember until it yesterday when it hit me that the anniversary date had actually passed.  I've almost forgotten a couple of times, but have remembered during the day.  I am shocked at myself.  How could I forget that? I am not upset about it, just in awe that I could actually forget such an important day.

I really don't feel like writing at the moment. I need a hot shower, I need to get dressed, I need to get out of the house.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Florida Re-Cap: Part Two

Guess its time I get on this eh? I can't forget to write about the trip as we came back TWO weeks ago!!! I can't believe its already been two weeks, time goes by so incredibly fast.

We packed SO much into that trip, and thankfully I had the foresight to bring a pedometer with me.  A couple of the days we walked 10 miles.  yes. 10 miles.  I had sore feet most days, and put the kids to work giving me foot massages.

Day two was October 8th, so E's 8th birthday!! That day we went to Epcot, and walked. walked. walked. and walked some more.  It wasn't quite the traditional birthday for her, but seeing as we're going with that trend the last two years, we may as well keep up with it I guess.

Now, if you haven't been to Epcot, you don't know how big it is.  It's massive, like bigger than all the lands in Magic Kingdom massive.  There are two "worlds", Future World and the World Showcase.  We started off in Future world where we did a character meet and greet with Mickey, Minnie, Daisy, Donald and Goofy.  That took up quite a bit of time, as we had autographs and what not to get as well.

After that, it was time to haul ass over to Epcot's "Norway", as we had lunch reservations at Akershus to have lunch with the Disney Princesses as a special treat for E's birthday.  We were early, so we did a bit of poking around Norway, rode Malestrom (really lame boat ride), and found a cute little gift shop.  I was in heaven here, because they had my IKEA COOKIES!!!! haha.  I stock up on those cookies every time the kids and I head to Ikea (an hour north of us), and we hadn't had them in awhile, so I forked over a few bucks for that.

Lunch with the Princesses was a lot of fun, albeit very expensive.  We got a ton of food, and I had mentioned to them before hand when were being seated, that it was E's birthday.  After lunch, they gave her a special birthday cupcake and we all sang Happy Birthday to her.  The food at Akershus wasn't too bad I suppose, I enjoyed it, but the kids didn't love it too much.  We were there more to meet the Princesses anyway, and we did! Part of the package is getting photos taken, so when we were ushered in, we had personal photos taken with Belle.  They treated us well there, as we got a family photo package (8x10, 4 4x6), AND E got a photo pkg with just her and Belle (same amount of photos as I just mentioned).   During the lunch, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White and Ariel came around to the tables (they staggered the princesses, so each princess went to each table), and did autographs and pictures with the kids.  I have a ton of pictures.  I really enjoyed this part, as seeing the kids' face light up with each new princess was priceless.  They got to actually talk to and personally interact with them, not like normal meet and greets.  The princesses interact with the kids, talk to them, take pictures....that alone is worth the cost of the lunch.

After  lunch, I'm pretty sure we went all the way around World Showcase. For some reason my memory of that part of the day is foggy, I should ask the kids.  Honestly, Epcot World Showcase was pretty boring for the most part. We didn't see any of the "shows" inside the countries, but just looked around, took pictures etc etc.  My favorite was Germany, as was the kids' I think, because they got their Giant Gummy Bears.  Which are disgusting by the way.  Now, normally I love gummy bears, but these tasted like pure crap.  I liked Canada, but I was very disappointed how my home country was represented. Tres Boring! The shop had smarties and wunderbars, and I so wanted to, but I wasnt about to spend $3+ dollars for a box of smarties.  We went to the UK section and met Pooh and Tigger!!  That was really fun, as they're pretty much our favorite characters.  We also saw "The British Invasion" perform a few Beatles songs, and they were pretty awesome!

Sugar Ray was supposed to be performing at Epcot that day, but we didn't stay because it was packed due to it being the Food and Wine expo.  After seeing all the countries, we did some of the other stuff in Future World.  We did LOVE Spaceship Earth, we rode that a couple times.  It was awesome.  We missed Soarin' and Test Track (more on that another day) though, but did most of everything else.  We did NOT stay for the fireworks. I was bummed out about that, but at Epcot you NEED to get a good seat, and I was not in the position with four kids by myself, to sit and hold our spot for almost two hours.  So we left after dinner and went back to the hotel.

That was a long tiring day, one of our most tiring actually, and I can't remember the little details about it.  My feet were positively aching by the time I sat down on my bed in the hotel.   Next ReCap, I'll cover October 9th (Animal Kingdom), the 10th, and the 11th.  I don't think I could possibly write about all that now, there is just so much to say and remember.

Monday, November 01, 2010

Things I Wish

I just thought I'd share a list of some things I've been wishing had turned out differently, or will happen, or that I wish I had etc etc.  Nothing in particular order, I just didn't feel like writing a long drawn-out blog post about it.
  • I wish Barry had been here to teach M how to tie a Tie, he had to go to the neighbors house and my girlfriend's husband did it for him for his Harry Potter Costume.
  • I wish I had more patience 
  • I wish Athena would stop jumping up against the glass door to come inside
  • I wish I was more self-sustainable, and had things like a garden, or the means to can more food.
  • I wish I wasn't such a perfectionist
  • I wish I didn't yell so much
  • I wish I could handle being a single mom better than I currently am
  • Tonight I wished it was A on her daddy's shoulders while Trick or Treating instead of Charlie's (whom I mentioned up above)
  • I wish I had the courage to start my book, but I don't know how to start it. Or what angle to take.
  • I wish I was back in Florida
  • I wish I had a husband or something close to that
  • I wish I didn't have to sleep alone each night.
  • I wish I had more support
  • I wish life was easier
  • I wish Dish Network would get their shit together and fix their slow ass website and phone system
  • I wish I was able to resist sweets and exercise more! I would have lost all the weight by now if I did. I want to lose 50-60lbs more
  • I wish I could relax enough to read again. I have only read one whole book since Barry died. I used to read all the time before he did.
  • Oh one more thing...I wish Dish Network didn't outsource.  What happened to good old Americans? Why do I have to talk to someone from a foreign country who calls me YO-ANNA.  My name is JOANNA for fucks sake.
That's it for today.