This week has been pretty hard. Grief is like that though, it comes in waves, and sometimes you get hit by a giant tsunami, and other times just a little wake. I'm not quite sure where I am this week, don't know how to classify how I'm feeling, but it hasn't been an easy week.
Yesterday for the first time in ages, I was sobbing into Barry's t-shirt, my tears soaking the cotton as I tried to calm down but could not. That was the last t-shirt he ever wore, for those of you who don't know. I've never washed it, and I don't think I ever will.
I've also noticed that my attitude has been pretty damn shitty lately. I've been a bit of a cranky bitch to everyone. Though that could be due to having my period at the same time, but I know that grief is a big factor in my attitude right now. I tend to get that way before certain days, and not even realize it till the day is upon us, or has already passed. Even today I just HAD to be out of the house, had to be gone, had to be busy doing everything and anything.
11 years ago today, Barry and I met for the very first time in person, and it was also the day he proposed to me! At this point in our relationship, I was living in Edmonton AB, and he was in Wiesbaden Germany, stationed there in the Army. I was visiting my mom in Abbotsford, BC, and he his mom in Port Angeles, WA. We both agreed to meet in Victoria BC and spend the day together.
I don't remember what time I arrived in Victoria that morning, but it was pretty early on in the day. I took the ferry from Vancouver to Victoria, and the greyhound to downtown Victoria from the ferry terminal. I was so incredibly nervous to finally meet him after talking for 9 months. And the funny thing is, I had never seen a picture of him. Never! he did send me one once, but it was lost in the mail. But I was so in love with this man that I knew even if he was hideous, I would still say yes if he asked me to marry him.
As I sat there on a bench in front of The Empress Hotel, I kept glancing across the Victoria harbor waiting for Barry's ferry to arrive. I waited, and waited, and waited. And then I saw a young man walking down the road. And I knew it was him. My heart knew it was him. He crossed the street, walked up the path to the front of the hotel, and as I stood up, shoved his military ID card in my face so I would know it was him. That was a mere moment, as we then hugged and hugged and hugged. Finally, we met. We had gone through so much to meet that day, and it was finally happening.
We spent the rest of that day together, sightseeing around Victoria and just spending time together. Towards the end of the day, we landed up in the Rose Garden in front of the hotel. We were laying there in the grass, and I was getting impatient because Barry hadn't proposed to me yet. He had told me before we met that he was going to propose to me, and I had waited all day. We were basically engaged already, just had to make it official. So, my spunky self finally asked Barry if he was going to ask me to marry him. I told him I was tired of waiting! LOL and shortly after that he asked me to stand up, and he got down on one knee.
Holding my hands in his, Barry told me I made him the happiest man on earth, and he wanted to make me the happiest woman on earth (the only two things I remember that he said haha). And then he asked me to marry him. And i said yes.
We parted ways shortly after that, unfortunately, as we only had one day together. And then we both went back to our lives, he to Germany, and I to Edmonton. And then 3.5 months later, on December 29th, 1999, we were married in Wiesbaden, Germany. The day we were married, was the 15th day we spent together in person. Yes, you read that correctly, we only spent two weeks together in person before we were married.
The day we got engaged was one of the best days of my life. I met the man of my dreams, and got engaged in the very same day! Not many women can say that can they? I truly was a lucky woman to find such a man like Barry.